Step Twelve

Anonymity

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”

—Alcoholics Anonymous

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God.”

—Alcoholics Anonymous

Anonymity is finally when you, as you think of you, no longer matters.

— Patrick K.

Over the years it has become clear that any time one of us puts ourselves outside the conventions of the rooms of recovery and their traditions, we are at risk of being criticized. Sometimes out of well-founded concerns, sometimes out of other matters, sometimes out of rote compliance with the norms of recovery … always out of fear.

"Do you really think you are so important that AA depends on your anonymity? On the other hand, do you think you are so important that breaking your anonymity is necessary?” This is the wisdom of Charlie B., and it holds the truth in an opposition of ideas, which is the sweetest spot for Twelve Step recovery. There is never a simple formulaic answer where the realm of the spirit is concerned. “Keep it simple,” is a mantra often heard, and with good reason given real-life complexities, and yet no amount of recitation will negate those complexities.

Long-ago wisdom from Patrick K. is an excellent starting point for a brief discussion. Anonymity has nothing to do with your name, and whether you share it or not. And inasmuch as we must care about the safety of newcomers and others, anonymity is really not about that either. Eventually we have to abandon ourselves. It’s not about us. We (as we think of ourselves) don’t matter. It is a matter of spiritual principles before personalities. Perhaps then our True Self can emerge, and that really may matter.

In his book, Broken: My Story of Addiction and Redemption, William Cope Moyers provides valuable context. He reminds us that at the time AA was established, being an alcoholic or addict was deeply stigmatizing and came with steep costs in the public sphere. Then he challenges us to look at this matter of stigma. The more alcoholism, addiction and recovery are hidden in the shadows, the more do we perpetuate a cycle of shame. That is a toxic factor for recovering people. We have to stop believing we are bad and start living as if we have a chronic disease, or the spiritual malady of which we so often speak. We have to reset the standard for others in the larger culture. It’s the only way to break free from the long-standing morality issue. Because as long as we live in the darkness of shame, we inflict incalculable damage on countless others who need to find freedom from their addictions by seeing and knowing there is nothing about which to be ashamed.

There is some incredibly interesting research that shows that we cannot change stigma with information and education. Stigma is changed by contact with those who are stigmatized. We change minds and hearts by allowing others to see us and to experience us. Suddenly we are no longer pariahs, just ordinary women and men who have a particularly problematic reaction to substances.

Each of us may be the only Big Book some people ever experience. Our lives are the testimony of recovery. Not just to those who are in or need recovery, but to the whole social system that contributes to the cycle of addiction.

Getting over ourselves may be the largest contribution we can make. It allows genuine contact with the larger world. It expands our fellowship. It opens the door ever more widely for others.

That said, of course we need always be mindful of our unconscious motivations. Sometimes there is no better way to overcome them than to stumble. That is why we have Steps Ten and Eleven, to learn from actions that do not serve well.

From the highest spiritual vantage, perhaps Joel Goldsmith sees best the idea of principles before personalities. “We become observers of God in action, ascribing nothing to ourselves, not even good motives.”

It is for these reasons that I have chosen to break my anonymity; yet to am willing to face criticism because I can no longer hide as if I am broken. For the reasons mentioned above, it would seem to best serve principles rather than this personality of mine.

There is a wonderful line in the Big Book in the sex inventory section. We are told that no one can be the arbiter of our actions or motivations. It must be between us and a Higher Power. This seems to line up nicely with the idea that none of us have any business seeing others through judgment or condemnation. Spiritual recovery is far, far larger than any one of us.